Category Archives: Conchordia

Songs from Gangstaland

 

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DIAMOND GEEZERS
FUNKABILITY
GANGSTALAND
LETS GET IT ON
REAL DEAL
TROUBLE
FAFFAN CULO
FUNKABILITY (reprise)

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Read the full Conchord

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DIAMOND GEEZERS

*****

Don
I’m one of the Diamond boys, I’m one of the diamond geezers
I had a transit full of toys & a bedsit full of freezers
But that was when I was starting out now my disco’s gone upmarket
I’ve got me an Austin Martin & a Kosovan to park it

Archie, Charlie, Bulldog, City & Lily
Oh! Diamond boys, diamond boys,
Don’t you love those diamond geezers
They act real flash & they splash the cash
Like a bunch of Julius Caesars (oi!)

Charlie
What’s that, you can’t pay up
You’re having a laugh, aintcha
The Don will not be happy
Well, Concrete Feet Petes in on Tuesday
If you haven’t clear the debt by then,
Let’s say you want be needing yer speedos

Don
So I turned my toys into drugs & I filled my outhouse with fridges
Then I opened a couple of clubs & I filled my warehouse with ravers
Cos clubs means money & money means power & that’s the power of prayer
I got a condo in the country & a villa in Marbella

Archie, Charlie, Bulldog, City, Lily & Nelson
Oh! Diamond boys, diamond boys,
Don’t you love those diamond geezers
They’re in your face like they own they place
They’re a bunch of Julius Caesars (oi!)

Archie
Three pills for a tenner
You’re having a life, aintcha
I’ve got a wife & three kids to support
Awight, awight, awight
But I’m cutting my own throat here
Here’s my number

Don
Well I’m one one of the diamond boys, men call me a diamond geezer
I might act tough but Im soft in the middle & I melt like a big malteser

All
He might act tough but he’s soft in the middle & he melts like a big malteser

Archie
So whats the meaning of life

Lily
Whats the key to your story

Don
Don’t marry a mental wife, smoke heroin or vote tory
& don’t end up like the Krays, killing guys in a public bar
& every couple of days send some jellied eels to your grandpa

Archie, Charlie, Bulldog, City, Lily & Nelson
Oh! Diamond boys, diamond boys,
Don’t you love those diamond geezers
They act real flash & they splash the cash
Like a bunch of Julius Caesars
Oh! Diamond boys, diamond boys,
Don’t you love those diamond geezers
They’re in your face like they own they place
What a bunch of Julius Caesars (oi!)


FUNKABILITY

*****

Don Vito
Have you seen Don Vito
Slick as Liberace
I always wear the coolest clothes
Armani, Versace

Maria & Laura
They call him Mr Dandy
He’s the coolest cat in town

Don Vito
& when I’m feeling randy
I get all those girls around
Who say

Maria & Laura
Hey, Don Vito, where did you get those trousers from?
Hey Don Vito, why don’t you dance with me
Why don’t you show us some of your funkability
Hey Don Vito, why don’t you dance with me

Don
I wanna show you some of my boogie therapy

Dance routine – Enter Nelson with Allessandro & Luigi

Maria & Laura
Hey Don Vito, why don’t you dance with me
Why don’t you show us some of your funkability

Maria & Laura
Hey Don Vito, why don’t you ravish with me
Why don’t you show me some of your sexuality

Don
Yeah, yeah, my boogie therapy


GANGSTALAND

*****

Archie
Vibe, vibe, I got my tribe
Took a little drive to the harbourside
Gon’ meet me a mobster man

Archie & Charlie
This is the way of the Gangstaland

Enter Allessandro & Luigi

Charlie
Roll, roll, I got my dough
Give it all away for a bag of blow
But when that mobster turns around
There’s a gun to my head for the hole in the ground

Allessandro & Luigi draw guns on Archie & Charlie

Archie
What are we brethren fighting for?

Allessandro & Luigi
It’s just the way when gangsters go to war

All
From Paris, France, ter
The sunny Cotes d’Azor
Who’d wanna be a gangster
When they go to war

Archie
What the fuck are ya doin

Allessandro
Your time has come Inglesi peeg!

 Allessandro & Luigi shoot up Charlie & Archie – Mafia Boys exit with cash

Charlie
<crawling across floor to Archie>
Frown, frown, my captain’s down
Gotta get him back on my back to town
I’ll lead my captain by the hand
Cos this is the way of the Gangstaland

Archie
Blood, blood I’m soaked in blood
We might fade away that’s understood
But not if one of us can stand
Cos this is the way of the Gangstaland

Archie
What are we brethren fighting for?

Charlie
It’s just the way when gangsters go to war


LETS GET IT ON

*****

 Nelson
Ya betta know ya business
Ya gotta twirl those girls around
Then you can swap yer missus
for the cutest girl in town
You gotta act all surreptitious
Gotta sneak in right behind
Lace her neck with kisses
That stuffs sure to blow her mind

City
I say get down eezy geezer
God I’d love to dance with you
You got the grooves & I got the moves
& one & one makes two
Because two’s a lovely number
Cos it kicks the ass off one
Before the morning slumbers
Us two kids can get it on

Nelson
Let’s get it on
Let’s get in on my girl
You are the one for me
Tonight

City
Let’s get it on
Let’s get in on my boy
I am the one for you,

Nelson
Damn right

City
Damn right

Both
Hey!

They dance

Nelson
I love the way ya waltzing
Thro the funkstyle on the floor
Like a starving solzenhitsen
Waving scarves of semaphore
& I love the way yer hanging
Like a bird upon the air
I love yer smile, & I love yer style
& I’d love to smell your hair

City
So how about it baby
The call is up to you
I can make you feel your body’s real
Just how you’d like me to

Yes, two’s a lovely number
Cos it kicks the ass off one
Before the morning slumbers
Us two kids can get it on

Nelson
Let’s get it on
Let’s get in on my girl
You are the one for me
Tonight

City
Let’s get it on
Let’s get in on my boy
I am the one for you,

Nelson
Damn right

City
Damn right

Both
Hey!

Nelson
Well you are so fucking tidy
& I know you know you are
Like a pornographic Heidi
In a silver jaguar
On a drive beside the ocean
On a balmy night in June
When the stars dance in devotion
To the music of the moon
Lets get it on
Lets get in on my girl
You are the one for me
Tonight

City
Because two’s a lovely number
Cos it kicks the ass off one
Before the morning slumbers
Us two kids can get it on

Nelson
Let’s get it on
Let’s get in on my girl
You are the one for me
Tonight

City
Let’s get it on
Let’s get in on my boy
I am the one for you,

Nelson
Damn right

City
Damn right

Both
Hey!


REAL DEAL

*****

MC
Monkey to the West, monkey to the East
Something going on in the call of yer mind
Cos theres a whistle posse cryin for peace
Everybodys grooving to the thrill in your mind

All
So come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal people
Come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal
So tell me how does it feel

MC
It’s so hot, burnin’ like a sauna
If ya call yer mother y’know she’ll disown yer
Everybody’s happy, the club’s like a beach
There’s a simple presence that we’re tryin to preach

All
So come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal people
Come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal
So tell me how does it feel

Enter Nelson & TC

TC
My body is a beach
The waves they keep on comin
& theyre comin on in waves
These rushes up my body x2

Nelson
It’s so sharp, sharper than a razor
It gives a little sizzle when ya dip in the sea
& it cut some ice, cut it like a lazer,
Everybodys digging who ya tryin to be

MC
So come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal people
Come on, come on now, so come on
Cos this is the real deal
So tell me how does it feel

Ravers
Movin & a grooving & a moving & a grooving
& a moving & a grooving all over the place
Movin & a grooving & a moving & a grooving
& a moving & a grooving all over the place

Nelson
Deep & fat, dirty & funky
Sing it like a cat or swing it like a monkey
What ya do with yer time is yer own design
Everybodys groovin to the thrill in yer mind

Harmony 1
So come on, come on now, come on
Cos this is the real deal people
Come on, come on now, so come on
Cos this is the real deal

Harmony 2
My body is a beach
The waves they keep on comin
& theyre comin on in waves
These rushes up my body

Harmony 3
Movin & a grooving & a moving & a grooving
& a moving & a grooving all over the place


TROUBLE

*****

Lily
Yes I know I’m in trouble but I’ve got to find a way
So I can say when all those chips were down I pushed em all all in
I might seem unruffled with a heart that’s turned to stone
But I swear I don’t wanna bear my problems all alone

This is all I’ve got my dear
Look inside my soul its clear
I can’t keep nothing from you
Standing here with open arms,
Stripping naked of my charms
Whispering that I love you

Oh, my days, I spend them waiting, hesitating
O my days

Nelson
When you feel down
You gotta lift up your soul
Find peace with what ya doing
See the wonder of it all
You gotta hear the sound
The sound of your true call
There’s a new dawn every morning
& the future starts right now
Your destiny is forming
& your dreams will show you how

Lily
Yes I know I’m in trouble but theres got to be a day
When we can say all our troubles have been buried in the sea
If we help one another thro this crisis of our lives
We can save one another while this love of ours survives

This is all I’ve got my dear
Look inside my soul its clear
I can’t keep nothing from you
Standing here with open arms,
Stripping naked of my charms
Whispering that I love you

Lily & Nelson
Oh, my days, I spend them waiting hesitating
O my days


FAFFAN CULO

*****

Don Vito
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-madonna
It’s a matter of honour
Perche
Fratello a fratello
Abitiamo per siempre

All
Fa-fa-fa-fafanculo
Pick up yer tool, Ya’ll
Goin’ ter meet my friends
We’re comin to make amends
& when we get back to Rome
We’ll tell the family
The problem is history
Hey-Hey-Hey

Don Vito
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-madonna
The Don is a goner
Perche
Fratello a fratello
Abitiamo per siempre

All
Fa-fa-fa-fafanculo
We’ll take yer to school y’all
Learn our philosophy
No one is the boss o me
& keeping corragio
Cos we are the mafia
We’ve come to look after ya
You won’t be needin a gun
We’ve already got you one
Hey-Hey-Hey

Antonio & Lucas
What means more than King & Country
Going to war, fighting for your family
There might be mud, there might be slaughter
But then your blood is thicker than water

Don Vito
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-madonna
It’s a matter of honour
The Don is a goner
We gonna make him pay
We gonna make him pay
We gonna make him pay
We gonna make him pay
We gonna make him pay


FUNKABILITY
reprise

*****

Laura
Have you seen Don Vito
He’s a king of Sicily

Maria
He always wears the coolest clothes
Armani, Versace

Antonio
They call him Mr Dandy

Lucas
He’s the coolest cat in town

Don Vito
& when I’m feeling randy
I get all the girls around
Who say

Maria, Laura, City, Lily & Brenda
Hey, Don Vito, where did you get those trousers from?

All
Hey Don Vito, why don’t you dance with me
Why don’t you show us some of your funkability

City
Hey Don Vito, why don’t you marry me
Why don’t you show us some of your sensuality

Don Vito
& my sexuality

Don
Welcome to the family

All
{musical number finish}
Alright!


THE CONCHORDIA FOLIO

“Its worth a pop, right, to knock that Shakespeare
Off his feffin’ perch!”

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Interview: Damian Beeson Bullen